Parental Prayers & Answers
That picture is 15 years old which is crazy to me. My stance and expression is one I’m sure my son and daughter were both very familiar with.
Let's call parenting what it is: terrifying. I don't care how many books you read or how consistently you discipline, you are going to wake up in the middle of the night absolutely sure of the fact that you are ruining your offspring. The weight of the task you've undertaken suddenly overwhelms you and you panic because of course, you have (pick one): spoiled, neglected, been too lenient, been too strict, asked too little, asked too much, coddled, ruined their self image, allowed them to become conceited, made them the center of things too much, ignored them, let them eat too much junk, allowed too much TV, and any other thing that can send parents swirling in guilty despair at three A.M. complete with cold sweats and self loathing.
Guilt: The mother's breakfast of champions.
Home schooling moms know to add things like: I should have made them take Chinese and French, play the violin, given them more free time or filled up their schedules with activities, fed them a vegetarian diet, banned television completely, taught them to make their own clothes, take a Dave Ramsey finance course, and moved us to an organic farm where we could live happily off grid and be self sufficient.
Early on I realized my complete inadequacy for the task at hand. "Please God let this phase be over." You can’t wait for your baby to sleep through the night. You can’t wait until your young child is potty trained, until they can read, and on and on. And of course, from His perspective, in a cosmos unrestrained by time and space, it suddenly is.
Let's give credit where it's due; He did all that I ever asked. Part of that is probably in asking for the right things; I've found Him always ready to answer prayers for; wisdom, knowledge, understanding, compassion, a loving heart, and my personal favorite daily request: "Satisfy me this morning, with your unfailing love." I mean really, if we could ever just FEEL LOVED we could save ourselves so much pain.
On many occasions I did all this praying while sitting in their rooms, on the floor begging God to make up for all my deficiencies. Surely He knew He had to fill in the gaps! Was He crazy putting me in charge of two human beings? Some days I wondered. Maybe He hadn't taken a good look at me lately...
On really bad teenaged days I prayed something like:
"But you don't understand, I'm trying so hard and I could save them so much pain if they would listen to me, and they are just so bent on doing it their own way, and they don't listen, and..."
Once when praying this way I had the very clear sense that He was saying to me
"Yes, because of course, I don't know anything about any of THAT."
"Oh..."
Someone said part of the battle is just showing up every day. That's what parents do. I hoped that He would be faithful to do His part. I reminded Him of this, often. "Hey, I'm doing all I know to do down here, so you are going to have to finish the job." Recently He reminded me that He has answered all those prayers.
But guess what! I spend an enormous amount of time praying for them now, possibly even more than I did when they lived at home because as grown ups with their own lives I have absolutely ZERO control. I can give advice when asked, and I can listen while they talk themselves around to the solution to whatever the problem is. But at this point my main parenting input happens in prayer.
What a comfort to know that when I’m praying for my children that God loves and cares about them even more than I do and has a great plan for each of their lives.
“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).